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I Hate You

I hate you.

I hate you for the day when you started this. The day when you stared into my eyes so earnestly that it seemed as if your eyes were trying to find something in mine… like they were looking to get a glimpse of my soul, and my eyes, for yours, were a path nothing less than heaven to get there.

Your gaze startled me in a soothingly unsoothing way. Within a fleeting moment, I was compelled by your gaze and that's when you did what you intended to. You stealthily planted a you-have-to-fall-for-me-soon seed in my heart. I didn't get suspicious because you were clean. You were experienced. You knew exactly what you were doing and how to do it.
And of course, it did work. That seed worked. That gaze worked.

I hate you.

I hate you for the day when you took it to the next level. The day when we were celebrating a mutual friend's b'day at some random club, and you came over to ask me if I wanted to get disappear from this world for a while. I don't remember saying no. Neither I remember saying yes. The only thing I remember was us–laughing, singing, strolling–on the empty roads of LA.

Then suddenly, you stopped talking. It felt like everything around me went on mute. Trees. Street lamps. Ladybirds. Blue bicycle. The old man with weird expressions. Sky. Moon. Everything. Everything became silent. Everything stopped talking. So did I. That's when you did what you planned to. You pulled me closer, in quiet, looked straight into my eyes and kissed me.

And of course, it did work. That silence worked. That kiss worked.

I hate you.

I hate you for the day when you acquainted me with the final level. The day when I broke down into tears because I was looking at you after ages. You, without any delay, clasped me into your arms and did what you had mastered a long time ago.

Without letting go the hold of me, you skillfully shifted the weight of your actions on me through your fancy words and made me believe that that weight never belonged to you.

And of course, it did work. Your embrace worked. Your words worked.

I hate you.

I hate you, for everything happened as you wanted.

I hate you, for I am in love with you now.

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