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Her Story - From The Dining Table










When I left you alone in the hotel room, I made a promise to myself that day to never think about you again. But here I am, waking up every day with a hope of seeing you beside me as you play with my hair. And it's strange how I still want your deep, raspy voice to be the first thing I hear right after I wake up. You know the thing I yearn for most is your silly jokes, which you used to tell me with so much enthusiasm as if you were about to solve the mystery of black hole. I remember the rule too: If I laughed at your stupid jokes, I had to kiss you in return for your noble work of making me laugh. And I purposely let your jokes win every single time.


It's been months since we spoke. Now, silence is all we have between us. Although this comfortable silence tortures me every day, I won't be the first one to break. I can't be either. By the way, my phone misses your voice, maybe more than I do.



You remember John, my friend from work. He asked me out when he get to know about us. I never intended to say yes, but I did. I did say yes because I am an ordinary person and I belong to someone normal, not someone like you. I did say yes because I didn't want to go crazy over thinking about you all the time. I needed someone by my side to keep me sane. Though, he genuinely thinks that I really like him. I don't.



Last month, I gave him your old t-shirt, which had monkey written in my handwriting on its left arm and really wished if your T-shirt could make him feel like you. It didn't work, obviously. So at last, I had to accept what I had with you, I'll never have with anyone else.


There are many things I never said even if I wanted to. I didn't tell you that your world is quite different from what I imagined it to be. I didn't say that I don't fit in here at all. I didn't let you notice how trapped I felt under the open sky whenever I went out. I felt like someone is always watching me from far away. And things kept getting worse by each passing day. I didn't want you to hate the world you belong to. And I knew you would if I told you these things. I was okay with the thought of you hating me but your life.


That's why I left quietly.

My love, I am sorry. I am sorry for myself. I am sorry for leaving you and causing you unbearable pain. I am sorry for being your Juliet and loving you like you are the only person left on earth. I am sorry for not being any famous person. I am sorry for the times I couldn't handle the attention this world gave me. I am sorry that I couldn't breathe whenever we stuck among your fans. I am sorry for walking into your life already knowing the end. And I am sorry for you. I really am.


But I won't say these things aloud. I won't call you and tell you that I am sorry. Because if I do, I'll lose myself. And I don't want to lose myself to be with anyone.



P.S. - This write up is inspired by the song named From The Dining Table by Harry Styles.
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