My World is Yours Now

I was having a deep conversation with my thoughts when he politely asked me if we can go for a walk. My ears only heard the last word-walk- and my mind immediately said yes. As we rose up from chairs, he confessed his old affair with long walks to me, and my heart just whispered, “ Never let him go ". Walking aimlessly at night is my favourite pass time. It gives me the kind of freedom that is felt by each atom of my existence. I've never met someone who loves rambling as much as I do, and it makes me sad to the core of my heart because people are missing out on the life of their lives. But, my heart wasn't sad anymore, 'cause that night I found someone. As night grew darker, he let me sink into him. He told me how painful his childhood was, how he wanted to end his life, how everyone around him silenced his voice, and how he wished she wouldn't leave. The way he talked about her as if her name is medicine of all his pain, made me wondered about the men I left....

This ain't just my name written in Urdu. It's a secret that we shared for quite long. Long enough to call it a lifetime. Life used to be a synonym of you. I remember the day when I asked you to teach me Urdu. Little did I know, I was asking you to stay in my heart forever. You did stay. I did stay. We both stayed. In each other's heart. Then came the day when you left. Quietly. In Sleep. Silent heart attack, they informed. Since then, I breathe you in the letters you carved on infinite number of papers to make me learn Urdu. Some call it the beginning of our eternal love. Those imperfect lines drawn by me, trying to give them shapes of  Urdu words, remind me that our love was perfect. That we were perfect. That you are still here. Safe and sound. Inside my heart. So… it is not just my name written in Urdu. It's a piece of you with me very much alive in the language of love.

I accidentally killed a girl yesterday. I didn't feel terrible although I was scared. But only because I didn't want to spend my entire life in jail. To my surprise, there was no sign of fear or guilt for snatching someone's breathes forever. Not at all. I was supposed to tremble to the thought of someone dead because of me. I was supposed to give up eating for a day or two atleast. I was supposed to lock myself in a room for days or weeks. I was supposed to cry, not a river, but ocean. Nothing like that happened. I was fine - eating, listening songs, watching tv as I do everyday. Does this make me a horrible person? Evil maybe? A girl with black heart as charcoal? Or a girl with no heart at all? Anyway, I am thankful to the fact that it was only a dream. Otherwise, how would I stand a person who can be as emotionless and disgusted as I acted in my dream. I hope dreams are just dreams. I hope.